Tightness in the chest, intense tingling on the bridge of my nose, in the mirror I see my face contort into several agonizing expressions at the same time and pools of tears forming in the eyes with me hunched over the sink …

I shiver, prickly goosebumps rise in my arms and make their way to my pulse points, the blood drains from my face all way down to the pit of my stomach, I press my legs together and wait for the feeling to pass…

I hear my heart beat rapidly, with vibrations reaching my chin, I take a laboured, shaky breath, there’s sudden pain in the left palm and my fingers start to twitch, I press my palm down under my thigh willing it to stop moving or paining …

I feel light headed, momentary darkness covering open eyes, I feel loss of control, I might spin out and down, I grasp the handlebar and try to breathe …

I clamp down my jaw making it swell further, give self a couple of minutes of pity, reprimand and then pep talks, compose myself and head back into the room.